Quiet

It's rainy and cold! I am thrilled! no plans today and it's so nice. Talked to Emily for over an hour on skype..........makes my day. This has been a tough Fall of big changes and today for once I feel "normal" whatever that is. The sermon last Sunday was so good.....about resting in Christ and not striving. I am the queen of striving.. I don't know if I really feel better or am just worn out and have given in!!!! whatever, I'll take it.....

OSU Lax

Tucker is lucky.......6 people attended the OSU/OU lacrosse game, just for him. See the picture of my nephew who even brought his own stick? love it....

Oklahoma Boy

Tucker spent the weekend at his Grandparent's farm fishing and resting up from a bad virus. I remember times at both my Grandparents houses as I spent countless visits there with just my sister. I think on those times often and am so thankful for the example those people set for me. So glad Tucker is getting the chance to be around my family. Hope he gets some studying in too...

I Survived!

As you can see from my last post, that only had a title, I couldn't figure out how to blog from Scotland. I did just post pictures there though, so check them out. It was a good, hard, beautiful, fun, sad trip.......all in one. The struggle with Emily's visa and travel plans really put a tough spin on my trip. But, she is there and settled in and already has great friends. We miss her horribly........and sometimes I am profoundly sad.......but skype is a gift from heaven and I have talked to her twice. To see her face and hands moving, makes me feel better. She does not have the insecurities that her mother........and most girls her age have. She is a tower of strength and common sense and I am proud of her. Her roommate is from Greenwich, CT........went to a boarding school in VA......how funny is that. She is a sweet girl, but definitely from a different world. She is more homesick than Emily and has clung to her a bit......not something miss independent wants. Her father really took a liking to Emily when we were getting the girls settled. He told the girl that he wanted her to stick with Em this year because he felt Emily had an uncanny vocabulary that this girl would benefit from. Isn't that funny?

Both my college kids are sick right now.........sinus and head cold stuff......most likely from not enough sleep and eating well. They will have to figure that one out.

I thought that things would calm down after a summer of getting 2 in school, but alas, I was wrong. Things are never calm around here! so, off to yoga this morning to build inner calm......we will see how that goes...

Scotland

not done yet....

So yesterday was really tough..........Emily is not getting her visa in time to fly out on Tuesday....
We, for $1700.00, had to change her flight to Wed.........and now may not even be able to make that. We were given bad info from the visa service, from a woman who "no longer works there" and are now paying for it in spades. Of course Sue and I will continue on Tuesday......without Emily.........bizarre as that sounds.......and pray she gets on for Wed. This has added considerable stress to the point of just being numb. I am afraid to say that her going away to school is a much bigger deal than anticipated. That being said, so goes life and we must just deal with it. I can't wait for her to be there and done with this............no, I can't wait for Christmas break when we are all home together....

breakdown

Ok, I have cried for the past two days and told Chris something is really wrong with me and just go ahead and have me committed somewhere.........and don't come visit me.......just put me away somewhere really cheap........or better yet, shoot me and put you and I both out of my misery. (to my mother who is panicking, I am fine)
First off, what a huge baby I am. People deal with much worse than broken houses and children leaving home........and humidity.......and broken children at school.........and all the stresses of everyday life, but I seem to not have the bandwith to deal effectively. And, it is almost like I am watching myself have this anxiety from outside of myself knowing I am being silly......seeing myself as an overworried old woman.........but can't do anything about it. I know I am stressed about the plane ride to Scotland next week.......and I have several friends my age going through the same thing.........one of them hit it on the head.........weariness..........and it's almost like you are an engine who is torqued up and can't slow down and relax, even if you try. So Monday I went with my friend to Pier One and we shopped for something that would completely change our lives and make us normal feeling again........she bought a blanket and a coffee table........I bought nothing. We really tried to find something to change my life, but there was nothing. So, we went to eat Pad Thai and laughed at how ridiculous we are..........and then went to our separate dirty houses and took naps. I felt a little better.

Labor Day

Emily is in New York, Tucker is in Oklahoma, the humidity is horrific in Virginia.......where the rest of us sadly have to stay.

This weekend has been so busy and I have to say it all came to a crashing halt for me last night. Our furnace is broken........and our air conditioner is on and off.....and it is hot and humid and more so upstairs than down. I really think with just Jake home we should sell the place and rent an apartment somewhere.............I am all about simplifying and downsizing. Chris is not handy and an old house needs a ton of care and handy work. I should say I am not handy either.....and we both must appear stupid as we are constantly facing people trying to rip us off..........but that is not my point here. My point is I had a very busy week at work, an event Friday night, tailgating and football on Saturday at UVA and then polo and tailgating at a local vineyard. Saturday night sitting in the hot stands, with the bathrooms overflowing and closed at the stadium I hit a breaking point and needed to go home................yesterday at polo..........surrounded by overly served people, I hit a breaking point again.........of course after standing in line for a stinking port a john that was 120 degrees inside.........I was so sweaty I couldn't pull up my underwear.......sorry, to much information, but you get the point. and you have to know the kicker..........WE PAID to do all of that............today....I am staying home....all day..........happy labor day.

Earthquake

Strangest thing.........at 1:07 am....we had another earthquake. Chris and I woke up at the same time and instantly grabbed each others hand....at the same time......Jake did not wake up, which is a blessing.......he gets scared so easily. This one wasn't as bad as the first on Tues. and it was the first one I have felt. I don't like it and don't recommend it. On top of that we have a hurricane coming our way this weekend.............we have not had weather peace in 2 years....it is getting old.........

Whirlwinds and Earthquakes

I haven't figured out how to post pictures from my iphone onto my blog.....and don't have time this week to do it, so until then....no pictures. It has been truly a whirlwind of activity around here. The kids and I set off for Oklahoma last week with a few stops along the way....a visit in Atlanta with one of my best friends.....lunch with my Grandmother and Aunt and Uncle in Arkansas........a day with my niece and nephew before they started school the next day.......and visits with my mom and family too. The big news is we dropped off Tucker at Oklahoma State. We were in Stillwater for 2 days........one to get him moved into his apartment and one for orientation.....figuring out the campus.....it has changed or my brain has because I was mostly lost. Tucker's roomy is a Texas boy and had several pair of boots lined up by the door at the apt......he was very much a "yes maam" kind of kid and seems very nice.. Tucker seems to like him. I guess I would describe my time in Stillwater, other than majorly infusing the economy there at Walmart....as trying to get T set up for great success. I felt we had finished our tasks........hugged him and said goodby and drove back to my Mom's in Sapulpa, a mere 50 minutes away. We had a great evening........and then started the drive home the next morning.....non eventful drive that took us through farm country in MO, IL, IN and Kentucky.........we just couldn't stomach I40 in TN this trip. The way we drove was great....only bad thing...........the Virginias...........bad roads and construction in both states....and way too many trucks.... All was well until we pulled into our driveway............the kids jumped out and I sat there and looked at the house, Tucker's car, our driveway.........and bawled like a woman in a bad lifetime channel tv movie...........that went on for most of the evening. I don't know if I felt like I had survived it all and it was over? If the sadness of I can't get to him if I need to? who knows.....I have to do it all over again in a few weeks with Emily.............she was fed up with me on several points of this trip and finally texted her Dad to please take her to Scotland instead of me........if we could change it, I think I would.............hard doesn't even describe what this time of life is. Today is the first day of school for Jake............we are KIND of ready.....and very tired and fussy......I see the pangs of early adolescence sneaking in.....lots of anxiety and fear all of a sudden....the earthquake yesterday didn't help him.. I have had emails, calls and texts from all over the country due to the media coverage of this thing....... I have to say.. I live 30 minutes from the epicenter and never felt a thing. I haven't felt an aftershock either. I was in my car driving at the time and for the second one, I was outside in the back yard. On the other hand, Chris said his whole building swayed and it really scared him. Jake was home alone and just ran outside with the rest of the neighborhood. I did hear that a chimney a few blocks away crumbled to the ground. Interesting that my little house stood strong and the capitol in DC, further away suffered damage.............anyway....we are all fine and still kicking. Say a prayer for Tucker today.....the club Lacrosse team meets at OSU tonight and I am hoping that is a great source of friendship and joy for him. more later.....

It's all new and different.....

For my Mother and Mother in Law.............
because you have been mean about my lack of blogging and have bullied me...........
and because I am also a Mother and will now have 2 children living an ungodly distance away from me.................
I am starting again.........no promises.......this is going to be a weird year..........
one child in Scotland, one in Oklahoma..........and one in middle school.........
I may lose my mind.
It all starts tomorrow.......as we start the drive west to Ok. for T. to attend OSU, my alma mater, but a MUCH different place then where he has been......has to be in God's hands, mine are too small.......and then a few weeks later off to Scotland to drop off E. I will be taking Xanax and Ambien on the plane....which brings me to another thing........I can't do this if I feel like I have to be fake or pleasant. I always have my Mother and my Grandma Ruby's voice in my head that says, " you don't have to tell everything you know", but I often do and sometimes it is not pretty or nice or even organized in a way that is people pleasing, but if I am to be honest about my own journey, I have to be me.......messy and broken......as we all really are. So today is my last day home with my two oldest children until Christmas...........ugh!!! One is asleep on the couch with the tv still on from last night.........the other in her bed, where she loves to spend her time. Today we will pack, check last minute details, I am sure argue................and then tomorrow off to Atlanta to see Auntie Pam, (my dear friend that the kids call that) She is a Pastor of the second largest Presbyterian Church in Atlanta. She has a manse in Buckhead.......fancy town, and we are so excited to spend time with her............and then 12 hours west from there to Grandma Ruby's in Arkansas for either lunch or dinner.......depending on our timing...........a few hours with her and then off to Ok. Wed. is the last day before my niece and nephew go to school so we will hang with them.............Thurs and Fri are OSU days for orientation..........and then straight back home.......no xanax or ambien as I am driving............but I think I'll be ok......T. needs a fresh start and hoping OSU will be that.......everybody PRAY!!!! so, that's the outlook for the next week....oh, and Buoy is going with us..........I know that sounds crazy, but he is such a comfort for us all and we need him....he is the best traveler we have.........

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! I hope to take lots of pictures tomorrow as we will all be together.......which is rare anymore.

Emily made a decision and will be going to St. Andrews in Scotland for college. LOTS of emotions behind that for me this week as it was all settling in to reality. I think I want my 2 and 4 year old children back!!

no posts

I haven't posted for over a month. I was really going to be better this year, but I just can't. It is a tremendous time of stress in our house as one has come home from college and one is preparing to leave for college. The family dynamic thing is tense and hard. Lots of people going in different directions. Give me 8 year olds any day and I can parent..........18 and 20???? ugh! You basically have to "stay out of it" and just pray they make the right decisions. Poor Jakey just watches it all.........I also have had two friends lose children this past month. The pain of that is unbearable. The students I serve at school are either in some real trauma or homeless..........how do you convince people who have never had a work ethic to have one? that it can save their lives? I am amazed at the people who expect others to do for them.........we leave next week for St. Thomas and I just hope it is the much needed break we all need.

League Champions

Chris coaches Jake's basketball team..........they have gone undefeated all season and yesterday won the championships..........I put my camera and a fresh battery in my purse........and didn't take a single picture.........ugh!

Feb. Chaos

I don't know why I expect the winter months to be quiet and easier.......life still happens and it is messy as usual. I found myself in a situation this week I hope to have learned from.......hopefully it was painful enough that I did learn from it. I had told a colleague about a situation I was concerned about and didn't know what to think about and this person used that information inappropriately in a "slinging arrows" kind of way for personal gain..............which led to the vice president of another agency calling me to tell me they were firing somebody, a scapegoat in the situation. It all got so convoluted and out of hand...........all because of a concern that was brought to me that I shared with who I thought was a trusted colleague. After 3 hours of phone calls and conversations........and utter exhaustion, this poor single mom with a brain injury will NOT be fired, but what a mess. I had to tell this colleague how out of line she was, but in typical self righteous way of people who do these things............she has it all figured out how it was her "duty"..........anyway.......I also found an administrator in our building to be utterly useless.............which was not a good way to end the week. Here's to no more chaos and a long weekend.

Another Rec.

We rented such a great movie last night that we both liked! It's called "arranged" with Zoe Lister-Jones.........about two young teachers in Brooklyn, one Jewish and one Muslim, going through their families arranged marriages............so cute!

Happiness

I LOVE my life when I am reading a good book..........I have a stack from the library right now......LOVE my library.......reserve the book online, they email me when it is ready for pick up........they even take my suggestions and buy new books when they don't have the one I want........there is something very proper, old fashioned and soothing about going to the library and picking up my books..........can't explain it. Anyway, saw this book in Anthropologie and didn't want to buy it, although now I might because it is a keeper, so off I went to my library.........The Happiness Project..........it is so enjoyable and is full of great information from experts and great minds like G.K. Chesterton who said.............being heavy is easy, being light is hard.............the author even has a blog http://www.happiness-project.com/ . You must read her blog and her book..............great winter project.

Snow!

I saw this on Facebook and thought it was so funny. Not sure anybody in OK thinks it's funny anymore.......we had a horrible winter last year here in Virginia.........hang in there Oklahoma!!!!

Talk

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/4197493

I have never in my life heard anyone as compelling as Paige Benton Brown. I used to go listen to her when she lived in Charlottesville about 5 years ago. Today I found the link above to a very powerful sermon online. You absolutely HAVE to listen to her.........fast forward through the other parts, but listen to her full talk..........it'll set you straight.

Typical Weekend Nights...........

Cigars and all..........

Google it.

Go to Google and look up youtube something to believe in by Parachute.

This video has over 300,000 hits. These boys are from Charlottesville. The lead singer group up down the street and we spend our Christmas Eve's with his family..........dear friends....
Yesterday this video was posted on Facebook by a girl in Oklahoma that I went to High School with............how funny is that.

Try reading this Blog

I like reading blogs of people who are real, thoughtful and have faith.........I think this may be a good one....http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ I really like the name.

I do sleep!

Just so you know, I do sleep and am not posting at all hours of the night. Google blogger is set to Pacific time, so all the postings relate to that time..........not the Eastern time where I live.

The Closer, my favorite show.......snuck 5 new shows in and you can watch them online at TNT. Emily and I feel like we have been given a gift!

Girls Night

I had 5 friends over last night to sit by the fire and have chili and wine......These were 5 friends I never get to see anymore........everybody was so real and honest and we picked right up like we talk all the time............lots of laughter and sharing. They left at 1 am..........next time I'll do a slumber party.

January

I feel the need to hold on tight to January. It is supposed to be cold and quiet with nothing going on. I love to sleep with lots of blankets when it is cold............I love it when I have weeks on end with nothing planned and no outside of the norm responsibilities. I really want to just be left alone. Being left alone is rare with 3 kids and a husband. If you throw in this job I have, I have kids in trauma calling me all the time..........or getting kicked out of school, or getting mugged on Prospect.......(tough street)...........so this morning.....I have a huge fire in the fireplace......everybody is asleep..........and I am doing NOTHING! Love it. Sometimes it is hard to slow down, but I am working on it. I have been doing that 30 day shred.........on day 16........and I have to say...it is amazing, but it really wears me out. So this morning, no shred, no cleaning.............just sitting by the fireplace........and that is no work as I put in a self burning 4 hour log..........

Truth Serum

I don't care what anybody says........I think drunk people tell you what they really think. Tonight, a drunk man told me that he likes my husband way more than me....I found that to be so funny.....

Guitar

Today I started guitar lessons...........I felt really dumb carrying the guitar case into the lessons........why? I'm weird that way..........I felt like such a poser. It was really hard....now I have homework.....from a kid who probably is young enough to be my son........life is strange at times. I didn't feel like me trying to play it........not sure who I am supposed to be playing the guitar.....hope I figure it out...........and learn to play..

Day Off

Today we had off for MLK Day. It is amazing how easy it is to waste a day. I had planned on reading by the fire.............I always plan to read by the fire...............I rarely read by the fire....
Things happen.....people call or stop by..........or a quick run to the hardware store turns into 1 1/2 hours because you run into two people you haven't seen in forever and you have a lot to catch up on............then the vet calls and you have to take care of that............then you decide to clean out that drawer right now to get it over with............then your daughter comes home from NYC and has lots to tell you and wants to bake something she had while there and needs your credit card right now to run to the store...........you don't tell her that nobody in your house needs a special dessert and that you don't want to spend money on brownie mix and oreos and icing...........ugh.........you just smile and say OK, because you really missed her this weekend and know that after this semester she probably will never live here full time again.............and the 11 year old who keeps bouncing the ball so that even if you tried to read by a fire you would have no peace..........you don't tell him to stop because he really is all you are going to have left after this semester...........oh, I guess you still have your husband :} and the 20 year old has left his sheets in the hall IN FRONT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM.........not in it or in the washer itself..........anyway, it is almost 8:00 and I am tired.............of worrying about not reading by the fire!!!

Jake is 11

Way too tired to post any pictures right now, but Jake had a really great 11th birthday. Friends, hamburgers, basketball, sleepovers with cake and flashlight tag, what more could a boy want? And that was just yesterday after school. Today he was picked up by dear friends of ours for Chinese buffet and bowling..........that was after his basketball game where he scored 10 points.........he then came home to open family presents..........It is now 6:51 and he wants to know...now what are we going to do????

google docs.....

Google Docs is my new best friend............

I have my data for work on there and today I put all our bills on the monthly budget template........love being organized..........go check it out!

30 Day Shred

I am one of the typical New Years Eve people who started a new exercise program. I am doing the 30 Day Shred which is an exercise video with circuit training. It contains 3 circuits of strength, cardio and abs...........I finished day 9 yesterday.........yes, I know, today is the 13th.......what happened to at least 3 days considering I will do it later today. Well, the day after my first day I couldn't move, let alone work out............another day I just needed a break...........and Saturday I got talked into going to the gym for a pump/step class that lasted an hour and 15 minutes.......killed me...........and today???? I think I will have to rest again........I can feel every muscle I have. It's a great work out...........and only 25 minutes.........but I am pouring sweat at the end and can barely breathe. I am on level 2...........and it is still hard.......I may never see level 3........the final level. I do think I have to be ok that the 30 Day Shred for me............may take 45...........or longer......

We go to St. Thomas for Spring Break...........and I need to feel better about bathing suits.........that may be a far stretch considering that in 46 years I have never felt good about bathing suits.....

Why Chinese Mothers are Superior

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

You have to read the article above. I found it quite thought provoking. Of course, I wish I had done some things differently in my parenting, don't we all, but she really takes it to a different level.

My Kids

New Day

http://rightfromtheheart.org/devo/1758

Click the link above...........this little devotional for today goes right along with my "changing my mind" theme below. Also, this picture is what I saw looking out my kitchen window this morning....

Happy New Year!

2011!! I always think of an older lady I knew growing up who said the even years are better than the odds..........it was so funny to me that she believed that. I personally have had good and bad of both..........

I have the same old same old resolutions that most people have, but I have a brand new one too. I read the other day that people like to change their eating habits, physical health and many other outward things, but few people look to change their minds..

I am going to change my mind this year. I am going to be mindful to look for the good, not always the bad. I am going to change my mind about lots of things......friends, work, home, marriage, kids and even how I spend my time. Too much computer time depresses me............walk more......talk less................breathe...........I am really really good at living for tomorrow..........most Mom's are.......but I am getting to a place in my life where I need to learn to live for today. Honestly, don't we all?